gay4soccer

Twitter was buzzing about El Clasico yesterday, but I’m jonesing for some good ole American soccer to watch. Thankfully it’s the NCAA College Cup Final today. So I check out the TV listings to see when it’s on and see it’s on ESPN U. Ok, no biggie; it’s not the biggest event to air in the eyes of most people and after all, it’s a Sunday afternoon, there must be some high profile, top-flight sporting event that they’ve chose to air on their main netw… MOTHERF***ER!

Oh, we got trouble, right here in soccer city, with a capital “T” that rhymes with “P” and that stands for pool…

Seriously? Women’s billiards is what you have on ESPN (along with documentary reruns on ESPN2) while the NCAA College Cup Final is relegated to a member of your family of networks that’s available in 27.5 million less households? I’m sorry, did I hop into Mr. Peabody’s WABAC machine and go back in time 30 years when this really was the top sport ESPN could offer? What’s on next, that show with big burly guys tossing tractor tires around?

I say that any boob can take and shove a ball in a pocket…

And it’s not just me that seems to find billiards insignificant, it’s ESPN too. While their home page has soccer as part of the main navigation bar, and lacrosse, cricket, and “Bassmaster” listed under “More Sports,” billiards is nowhere to be found. So what kind of ass-backward world have I entered? With the dozens of sports available on ESPN online, surely one of them like the College Cup Final is more worthy than freakin’ billiards. Seriously, can we please all get together as a community of sports fans and agree that a game that could be played in the confines of my nana’s basement isn’t a top-level sport?

Oh, we got trouble. We’re in terrible, terrible trouble. That game with the fifteen numbered balls is the devil’s tool. 

Come on ESPN, you can do better than this. Give America our soccer. 

Remember, my friends, listen to me, because I pass this way but once.